How does one separate the bad history from the present history, with the same people? That’s not a trick question. I wonder how can we start fresh but with the same people–and by we, I mean I. Is that even possible?
Family members, significant others, friends…We all have someone that we care for really much and maybe hurt us once or twice. We might have chosen to try to understand where they were coming from, put ourselves in their shoes and forgive them. And we might have decided that we were moving on. Then why is it that along the line, we feel stuck with those feelings of resentment and hurt again? Maybe something that made us remember, maybe something they said or something we saw in a movie, or something we smelled, or a dream…something made us re-live that pain, just a little bit, and we felt the “ouch” all over again. What does that mean? Does it mean anything? Is it normal? Is it a normal part of life? There are some things, specially the ones that really made an impact in our life, whether good or bad, that are never going to leave our memory. I get that. But the “ouch”…is that ever going to go away? Does feeling the pain again mean that one was not really able to truly forgive? That would not be good. Or does it simply mean that one has a heart and still feels things. This would be a good thing. I know there’s no “one size fits all-” type answer for this, and the answer can depend on many things. I know that each one of us has a different story, a different history, and even a different heart, that feels differently and creates different experiences. But I guess the real question lays on how is one able to deal with the pain over time. Did it taught us any lessons? Did we learned them? Do we still let the pain determine our behavior?, or are we able to stir away from that discomfort and come back to the present where the story is different now? Is the pain trying to tell us something new?, or something that we are now ready to face about ourselves that we were not ready to see then? Is it time for a real change inside? Is it time for a real change outside? Can we tune in with our feelings and know what is it that they are trying to tell us? I believe that that would be the only reason why that pain keeps coming up, because it’s still trying to tell us something that we haven’t gotten yet. So we really oughta listen to that pain, to that discomfort and pay attention. I believe that deep inside we do know the answer to all these questions. I really believe so. And if it’s not today, it will maybe be the next time, but we will get it.